so much, so cute, so sweet, so far, so long

I started writing a robot porno story last week while bored in a training class but when I came back to it today my mind was too heavy with worry and it was all gone.  All I could scribble out was nothing makes sense anymore, it's all just penguin math.  The android erotica was silly and crappy and only for me but at that point, I guess, not even that...  I started to feel really bad for the guy in the suit lecturing today, his life--or at least his job--seemed monotonous.  How does he cope?  Drugs?  Crying himself to sleep? Chocolate?  Since quitting medication cold turkey I've realized how dry, grinding, wrought with friction my mind was for the duration.  Now things get heavy sometimes and I don't know what to say other than that it is somewhat easier to think again.  I have no idea what makes me a better person. I have no idea what makes me more appealing. I have a someone special in mind and I wanna know what luv is.