i have to go back to work tomorrow, which pretty much sucks because i am tired of trying to be a good teacher. i fucking suck.  i feel like writing things down but it's like, who cares?  i thought about it and i basically gave up on writing anything down that day in New Mexico when n. told me my writing is dumb and terrible.  i kept crying and walking down this road in the middle of nowhere even though we both knew there was nowhere i could go, anyway, so i came back and he apologized but i guess i still kinda gave up.  i surrendered my power to some dumb mouthy thing some guy said to me when he was mad, which is dumb i guess.